LOVE STORY

10 First-Date Mistakes

2009-07-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

The best thing about bad dates is that we walk away with a great story, and little doubt that the perpetrator is not the person for us.

I was thinking about some of the common errors made on first dates. I came up with 10 common mistakes that could kill the chances for a second date:

Arriving Late

Even five minutes of lateness is inexcusable on the first date. People are already anxious on these excursions, so making someone wait and think more about everything is pretty rude. Seems like the trend in NYC is to be late for things regularly. On one date, I texted the girl and told her I was running late. She said she was too. We ended up just having the date ½ hour later than planned and technically no one was late because we were both ½ hour late together.

Wardrobe Malfunction

Make sure you cater what you wear to what you're doing. I try not to make a girl walk too much if she's in heels. Also, I've seen girls wear pearls and a nice blouse to trashy outdoor drinking events, or heels to sporting events.

Talking Politics or Religion

Staying away from debatable content is a good idea the first time out. It's fun to argue with your significant other, but I think it's important to reach a comfort level first. If you try to proselytize someone, or battle them over a hot topic like abortion, you may reach a point of no return.

Checking Out Other People

You'd think that no one would do this, but guys are always looking at waitresses, or other patrons when out. My one friend got in hot water because his date told me he made cat calls at other girls while on a date. Talk about a mistake!

Bringing Friends (Non Group Date)

If you bring friends along you look immature and insecure. You also throw the other person for a loop if they were expecting the date to be one-on-one. Make sure you establish that it is a one-on-one date, and follow the rules and show up alone.

Getting Too Drunk

Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you're sober, before you get wasted with them. Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly, but if a drink or two takes the edge off, and wine adds romance it's fine. Just don't push it too far.

Being Too Aggressive

No one wants to deal with someone's wandering hands before they are ready. It is one of the best ways to creep someone out. Just because someone is getting dinner with someone once doesn't mean it's an invitation into the sack. It's best to be hands off on the first date.

Being Too Unaggressive

My friend Margaret warns me to be more aggressive all the time. She said that if I don't kiss someone at the end of a date, or make a move when they hop in my bed they will begin to think something's wrong with them, or that I'm not into them. Maybe that's true, but sometimes I am just being too safe so that I don't break the rule I just mentioned above.

Canceling at the Last Minute or Standing Someone Up

Canceling for a legitimate reason is fine, but respect your date's time so that they can plan their night without you. Canceling one hour before a date is not cool — most of the date prep has already started at this point. Standing someone up is so rude. What does it accomplish? If you change your mind, at least have the strength to just cancel. No need to make someone feel bad and waste their time just because you're too chicken to cancel the date.

Dominant Speaker

Try to breathe in between sentences, and don't talk too much. Give your date a chance to talk. Aren't you trying to get to know one another? And don't speak for that other person (i.e order for them at dinner) unless they invite you to help with their order.

Do you agree or disagree with any of these? Ever have these happen to you, or have you ever made these mistakes? Would you go on a second date after any of these mistakes? What would you add to this list?

Hope it helps guys. :)
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Dating Tips: Visual Deal-Breakers for Daters

2009-07-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back I had a great time working on an upcoming "Man in the Street" feature for Marie Claire. We asked women what makes a guy dating material, and the most common answer was: someone who has it together, and has goals and ambitions.

"Having it together" goes beyond the mental aspect. I've realized that women can take one look at me and size me up as someone who doesn't have it together, and may have no ambition. My disheveled appearance could stand some adjustments.

Here are some elements that I should work on to look more "together":

#1 Dating Element: Posture

I walk around as if I'm auditioning for the lead role in a Nosferatu remake. My shoulders are rolled forward, and I'm hunched over. I can't tell whether I'm tired, too relaxed, or what. But there's one thing I do know, women like tall guys. I'm cheating myself with my bad posture. If I stand up straight, I'm 5'11" (well, 5'10 and .99999999 inches); nothing to write home about, but it is over the average for the American male (5'9"). I should take advantage of anything above average about me. Standing up straight will also make me look more confident.

#2 Dating Element: Holes

You've read about the moth holes in my clothes, but there are other places where holes pop up. Assuming that women don't notice my shoes is naive, considering their love of all things shoe-related. I get everything I can out of a pair of sneakers. Plus, I'm too lazy to go out and buy new ones. My current sneakers are literally wearing away to nothingness. I could act as a visual aid for one of those old guys telling stories about the Great Depression: "In my day we used cardboard boxes for shoes." My friend Margaret, the other day, stuck her finger into the bottom of my shoe and struck foot! She declared that my porous shoes were responsible for my bad luck with the ladies. If only it were that simple...

#3 Dating Element: Hair

This "hair" refers to cat hair. You know you're in trouble when someone takes a look at you and asks, "Do you have a cat?" I'm always running late, so I don't have time to apply the lint roller before I leave my apartment. Cat hair has a mind of its own and silently floats around and attaches itself to important spots on clothing.

#4 Dating Element: Fingernails

I chew my fingernails to the hilt. In addition to being a dirty habit, it makes my hands look terrible. My fingernails are so low that people sometimes cringe when they look at them and ask me how bad it hurts. We all know I'm an anxious person, but wearing that anxiety on the outside in the form of jagged, bleeding fingernails is not going to attract many women. I've been trying to kick the habit for awhile, and when I do maybe I'll look like I have my life together more... or at least I'll look like I'm not eternally nervous.

It never occurred to me that women might see me and think I don't care how I look, and then make the connection to me not caring how my apartment looks, and not caring about my life goals and aspirations. I've let my apathetic attitude permeate my appearance, and that's not good.

Things are going to change. The other day, Margaret forced me to buy a wallet. So, I'm no longer walking around with random cards in my pockets and misplacing certain cards. The wallet is a symbol for me pulling it together. As Margaret says, "No girl likes it when a guy buys them a dinner with a balled-up wad of bills."

Thanks to this site.

What Makes Men Fall in Love

2009-07-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

It’s a baffling question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide “Yes, I think I love her”? Well, the answer isn’t clear-cut, but there are some general principles. “Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you,” says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. “When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you’re ideal on all these levels, that’s when he’ll commit.”

Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of moves by you. Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these insights to use when your guy is at the brink.

The Desire: To Protect

Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. “Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you,” says David Givens, PhD, author of Love Signals. So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he’ll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.

Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.

Ask his opinion. Whether it’s about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.

Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and fur trigger an intense response in men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.

Don his clothes. It shows that you’ve chosen him over other guys — sexy.

Read more here.

Dating 101: How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

2009-06-30T05:04:00.000-07:00

1. He's superprotective of his gadgets. "The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating emails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills," says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he's being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he's more evasive.

2. He steps up the grooming. This is so obvious, but it's a sign many women miss: "If your man starts grooming more without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he's getting intimate with someone else," says Vranich. You can actually thank modern mass media for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his appearance, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He's spending more time at the gym.

3. He smells different. "When he comes home, if he doesn't smell the same as he did in the morning, and it isn't the scent of soap in the gym or at your home, it may be because he's showered at her place," offers Vranich. So pay attention, because in this case, that old saying "the nose knows" might very well be true.

4. Nothing fazes him anymore. "If he was short-tempered before, a combination of added intimacy and attention could be making him way more relaxed, even downright giddy," Vranich says. Adds Mira Kirshenbaum, author of "When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts and Minds of People in Two Relationships"

5. He becomes suspicious of you. "If he's normally a mellow type, all of a sudden he may want to know where you are all the time and with whom," says Vranich. "It's the result of him realizing that if he's cheating and it's not that hard, you might also be getting away with it." Also, beware of extremely detailed responses to even your most innocent "How was work today?" queries. He may be preparing epic answers because he's terrified of getting caught.

One caveat: If your romantic life hasn't fallen off, that's no guarantee that he's faithful. "It's a serious mistake to think that affairs are necessarily physical. He may just be unhappy in other parts of the relationship," says Kirshenbaum. In fact, an illicit relationship could even stoke his lust for you.

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The Secret Girlfriend Weapon

2009-06-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

According to a study, there’s a love habit that’s crucial to the health of your union: focusing on each other’s good qualities. Of course, that’s easier said than done. It’s normal to see more of your guy’s flaws over time — the key is not letting them infringe on your affection. “If you can organize your thoughts around his strengths, you’ll concentrate on him as a whole instead of on his imperfections,” says study author John Holmes, PhD, professor of social psychology at the University of Waterloo. He found that couples who do this stay together longer.

We’re not suggesting you try to love his annoying behavior. But you can learn to flip your thinking so you look to the positive. Here, three ways to master the girlfriend mind trick.

Prove Yourself Wrong
When you’re bugged by something small your guy has done, it may not be that action that’s getting under your skin — something may be eating away at you on a deeper level. By figuring out what that is, you can shift your thinking so you’re less agitated.

First, question why you’re upset. For example, say he takes hours to reply to your texts, and you assume he doesn’t care about you. “Find evidence that proves you wrong,” suggests Los Angeles therapist Shannon Fox, PhD. Maybe he asked about an important meeting you had or wrote you the sweetest card. “Pointing out the contrary helps keep the annoyance in proportion,” notes Fox.

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Dating 101: Everything You Know About Affairs Is Wrong

2009-06-20T00:53:00.000-07:00

"Once a cheater, always a cheater." "People cheat when they're unhappy at home." "If your mate cheats, you'll know." We've all heard these bits of conventional wisdom; they're comforting, in a strange way. But they're all wrong, say the experts who study infidelity. What's worse, believing these myths can do a lot of harm, because it gets in the way of your preventing, spotting, and recovering from infidelity. (Yes, recovering -- contrary to popular belief, an affair doesn't have to destroy a relationship.) We've unraveled the latest research so you can protect your relationship with the facts.

Myth #1: There's a "cheater" profile.

The reality: With the right trigger circumstances, anyone is susceptible to cheating. "There are as many different profiles as there are people who have affairs," says Douglas Snyder, Ph.D., a couples therapist and a professor of psychology at Texas A and M University. Yet the myth persists that there's a recognizable "type" of person who's unfaithful. That's why it took Linda Mitchell, 43, a personal trainer in Monroe, OH, by such surprise when she found out her first mate was having an affair. "He never did anything to lead me to think he would cheat," she says. "He'd bring me flowers, tell me how beautiful I was and what a great partner I was."

While some people are chronic philanderers, it's more common to unintentionally wind up in an affair. "People who have accidental affairs have no thoughts of being unfaithful," says Snyder. "It's not even consistent with their values system, but the opportunity presents itself." Maybe a coworker hits on you during a business trip when you're stressed, or your cute handyman compliments you when you're getting over a fight with your mate.

"Here's the best way to prevent affairs: Rather than saying, 'We will never have one,' instead think of the kind of person, situation and mood that would make you vulnerable," says Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of "Getting It Right This Time: How to Create a Loving and Lasting Marriage." Maybe you're so nurturing that you'd be vulnerable helping a neighbor whose wife just died, while your fun-loving sister would be susceptible during a trip to Las Vegas. It may feel contrived or scary, but having this tough conversation with your partner can help you both recognize chancy situations and be on guard.

You can also stay in safe territory with friends of the opposite sex by not confiding personal things, like airing complaints about your mate, and not keeping anything about those friendships secret. "You know you've crossed a line if you don't want your mate to know about whatever you're talking about with this person," says Tina Pittman Wagers, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and instructor at the University of Colorado at Boulder. "If it starts feeling like that, then you need to pull back and reestablish closeness with your mate."

Myth #2: It's men who cheat.

The reality: While baby-boomer men do cheat more, women in their 20s and 30s have affairs just as frequently as men their age, according to new research. One reason: More women are working. When you have a job, you've got more financial freedom, which could make you more comfortable taking a gamble with your relationship. You also have opportunity; around 46 percent of women and 62 percent of men who have affairs cheat with someone from work.

Myth #3: Long-term boredom leads to an affair.

The reality: Michael, 34, a lawyer in Tampa, says his wife started having an affair before the couple's two-year anniversary. "I never, ever thought that would happen," says Michael. Yet the so-called honeymoon period is actually a high-risk time for infidelity. "More people have affairs the first two years of marriage than any other time," says McCarthy. Women may experiment with a comparison affair: Would I be better off with this guy? Did I make a mistake in marrying my spouse? Men, on the other hand, are likely to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with their relationship. Thanks to their upbringing or their circle of friends, they may believe that's just what guys do.

An early affair may be just a last fling that a couple can work through, but it's more likely a wake-up call to a person that his or her partner has a fundamentally different model of monogamy, says Wagers. Still, newlywed affairs don't have to spell doom. If both partners decide that they want to give their union another shot, it's important to figure out what factors contributed to the affair and whether there's any hope for changing them.

Myth #4: A man is driven to infidelity when he's not happy in his relationship.

The reality: It's true that the majority of women who've had an affair reported being physically and emotionally disengaged from their partners for at least a year before the affair. But more than half of men involved in affairs reported being happy or very happy in their marriages prior to cheating, according to a survey by the late Shirley Glass, Ph.D., noted infidelity researcher and author of NOT "Just Friends." Lots of other factors weigh into a guy's decision to start an affair, including chemistry, opportunity and poor impulse control. "I counseled a couple where the husband's younger coworker made a pass at him when they were at a conference and he accepted," says Wagers. "Even though he felt close to his wife and he felt like he had a good marriage, he was excited and flattered that this woman who was 15 years younger found him attractive."

Many cheaters do blame their actions on a less-than-perfect home life, but researchers say they're just rewriting history. "Often times these are retrospective reports that are now having to justify how it is that the partner violated vows," says Snyder. Granted, lots of cheaters are unhappy on some level in their marriages. But so are many men and women who don't have affairs. "Infidelity isn't the only road," says Wagers. "If you're not satisfied in your marriage, you might also be driven to talk to your partner." That's why therapists say it's so important to stay in touch with each other. For you, that might mean setting aside 20 minutes every night to talk about your day, your differences and your dreams. "It's the whole idea of staying close to your spouse," says Wagers. "The more disconnected you get from the relationship, the easier it is to slide down the slippery slope of infidelity."

Myth #5: Adulterers find lasting happiness with their affair partners.

The reality: No matter how blissful they feel, affair pairings rarely get to happily ever after. A whopping 75 percent of affair partners who marry end up divorced. For one thing, the qualities that attract you to an affair partner -- like impulsiveness or extravagance -- might be the polar opposite of what makes you happy long-term. And during affairs, lovers are under the spell of chemical changes in their bodies that make them feel euphoric -- feelings that are exaggerated even more by the secrets they're keeping. They're in a type of fantasy world, focusing only on each other and not getting bogged down in day-to-day stuff like bills and child rearing. "Somebody may seem like a soul mate when it's all fresh and shiny," says Wagers. "But you can't assume the new-car smell is going to last 15 years."

Myth #6: Betrayed partners know on some level when their partners are fooling around.

The reality: In many cases, the betrayed mate is totally in the dark. "A lot of cheating partners are really invested in keeping this secret and are very good at lying," says Wagers. So true, says Dayle DeCillo, 39, a mother of five in Mission Viejo, CA, who had zero suspicion that her husband of 11 years was unfaithful -- until she discovered him with another woman. "I was blindsided," she says. "He was a paramedic and firefighter, and was gone a lot, either 'working' or 'working out.' I was never concerned he wasn't where he said he was."

DeCillo simply made the same assumptions most people do: You assume you're trustworthy and your mate is, too. The possibility that he could stray isn't even on your mind, so you don't get suspicious if he says he has to work late or go on a golf trip with his buddies. Usually it's not until the affair is out in the open that the betrayed mate can go back and give new meaning to history.

It's also common after an affair is exposed for the betrayed mate to feel like he or she is facing a new truth: You never can be sure whether your partner will cheat. In reality, it's a truth that was there all along.

Five essential tips to prevent infidelity:

1. Be each other's number one confidant. You shouldn't be sharing private thoughts with others that you're not sharing with your mate.

2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.

3. Don't let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.

4. Recognize when you're temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship -- or that you have to act on it.

5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you're ever tempted and don't feel like you can tell your mate, you'll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you'll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

Hope you all guys to have a healthy and strong relationship!

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Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You?

2009-06-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

You don't need lipstick on a collar to know your man is the two-timing type. Here, a simple test that'll reveal his philandering potential.

When you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some indiscretions, but it's nearly impossible to turn the other cheek if he strays. Well, Cosmo did some investigating to ascertain the traits that may make men more likely to cheat, and some of our findings were surprising eye-openers.

But before you freak, realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you. "You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of "Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser." Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal.

Dating Factor: His Background

Cheat Predictor #1

Was he spoiled as a kid?

Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?

Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?

If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?

"He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt," says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal." "He probably has little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think about your feelings."

So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.

Dating Factor: His Career

Cheat Predictor #2

Does he work mostly with women?

Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?

Does he make a lot of money?

It's great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind. According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."

Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets. "Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women," says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "If Men Could Talk."

"Since testosterone is what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his desires." Remember that little Oval Office incident?

But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working diligently. If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner. It's when he acts more secretive about his work than a CIA agent that he's probably taking on after-hours clients.

Dating Factor: His Schmooze MO

Cheat Predictor #3

Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?

Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?

When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?

Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied by one woman's ego-stroking. And if he's suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise. "Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and that's hard to resist."

To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around. "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are. When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on you.

Dating Factor: His Friends

Cheat Predictor #4

Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?

Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities

Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?

The nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same.

You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side. According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him."

Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you. "He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says Glass. Although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.

We ain't cheaters! HAHA! :P

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Love messages of the day

2009-06-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

"The hottest love has the coldest end."
-Socrates

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."
-Dr Seuss

" We were given: Two hands to hold. To legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."
-Anonymous

Overcoming Jealousy

2009-06-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

It's the feeling that wells up inside when a date speaks highly of an attractive coworker or when your soul mate seems a little too happy to see an ex at a party -- it's dating jealousy and it can take hold of you so fast and so hard that it leaves you and your relationship destroyed. Don't let jealousy take over your life: Follow these dating steps toward overcoming the green-eyed monster in you.

1. Leave the Players and the Flirts Behind

One of the best ways to overcome jealousy is to not get involved with flirts and players. There are singles out there who will thrive on making you jealous because they like the dating drama and attention. If you're jealous, they know that you are constantly obsessing over them and dwelling on them. By provoking your jealousy, they've just made themselves the center of your universe. Instead, be smart -- kick them out of your universe and find a better date.

2. Determine if You're Jealous in This Relationship or Every Relationship

In order to overcome jealousy, you've got to figure out whether you're being real or being paranoid. Normal jealousy can actually serve a purpose. It's there to alert you to a partner's possible infidelity -- a threat to the relationship. Is your relationship actually being threatened or is the jealousy in your head only? A good way to figure out if there's a basis to your jealousy is to reflect on your past relationships. Are you always jealous even if you haven't had a reason to be? Do you have trust issues in every relationship or just this one? Also, talk to some friends or family who can be objective about the situation and help you sort out your jealous feelings -- a counselor can also be helpful with this.

3. Get Confident in Dating

The source of a lot of the jealousy has nothing to do with what your date does; it lies within you. If you're upset because your date drools a little when he or she sees a fashion model or celebrity in a magazine, don't start comparing yourself to that image. Work on your dating confidence and focus on all you have to offer. Then, your envy of others will dramatically decrease.

4. Talk It Through

Learn to communicate your jealous feelings in a healthy way. For instance, let your mate know that you're jealous about the amount of time the attractive coworker gets to spend with him or her. Make sure as you're talking, you're not accusing. Accusing makes any person defensive, and you won't get anywhere.

5. Draw the Line

Particularly, if you are in a monogamous relationship with someone, you need to establish what behaviors are acceptable to you and what behaviors will bring out the green-eyed monster in you. Are you okay with your partner constantly texting a single man -- or single woman? Will that send you over the edge? How do you feel about your partner dancing with someone else at a club when you aren't around?

Establishing reasonable boundaries and respecting them gets both of you on the same playing field. The keyword here is reasonable. Setting a boundary like "Don't talk to any single men -- or single women -- you work with" is an impossible and smothering line to draw.

6. Strengthen Your Relationship in Other Ways

If you're overly jealous when there isn't a whole lot of reason to be, it means that your relationship isn't as strong as it should be. You need to evaluate what's lacking. Are you not spending enough quality time together? Has the passion died down over the years? Once you identify what's really concerning you, then you can address it with your partner and work on strengthening the relationship rather than wasting time and energy on empty jealous feelings.

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Dating Reality: Surprising Reason Men Don't Call Women Back

2009-06-05T21:45:00.000-07:00

Dating researcher reveals genuine confessions from single men and offers insight on how single women can improve first impressions

By dating coach Rachel Greenwald

For the past 10 years as a dating coach, I conducted an unusual research project. I interviewed 1,000 single men asking why they didn't call a woman back after a date. This included asking why they lost interest after flirting with her at a party or after exchanging emails with her through an online dating site. (Rest assured, I didn't accept glib answers such as "There was just no chemistry;" rather, I used an "Exit Interview" technique I learned at Harvard Business School to prompt very candid responses.)

This infuriating situation is all too familiar for single women. You think there's a connection, but then suddenly you never hear from him again. What really happened? It turns out there are consistent reasons why men don't call back. Interestingly, these reasons rarely reflect who a woman is deep down, but rather the wrong impression she gave inadvertently by saying or doing small things. And the shocker? My research shows that 90 percent of the time your guesses are wrong.

Beware: 'The Boss Lady'

What was the #1 reason that 1,000 men didn't pursue a woman whom they were initially interested in? I've labeled it "The Boss Lady." He thinks she's terrific -- smart and successful -- but he decides he'd rather hire her than date her. In such a situation, women typically guess that men are intimidated by their success or strong personality. But men said they get enough aggression at work all day, and when they come home they want to be with someone softer, more nurturing. They do want someone intelligent with an interesting career, but they prefer a warm demeanor.

The term "boss" here reflects men's attitudes that certain women seem either argumentative, competitive, controlling, not feminine, too independent, not nurturing, or some combination of the above. Of course, women don't use the same terminology to describe this behavior. Instead, women might rightfully identify themselves as persuasive, capable, street-smart, organized, modern, confident, or forthright.

Importantly, the real issue is not what you are or aren't at your core, but rather that trivial comments or actions are screening you out before he can really get to know and appreciate all of you.

Exit Interviews: Identifying 'The Boss Lady'

Paul (from Miami) labeled two women he dated "argumentative." He expressed frustration that he couldn't find a woman who challenged him intellectually but didn't bulldoze him at the same time. He said, "I want a conversation to be a fun, intellectual exchange of ideas -- not a heated argument."

Scott (from St. Louis) described one date that fizzled after trying to select an appetizer to share at dinner. He mentioned that he didn't like curry. His date shot back, "Who doesn't like curry? How can you not like curry?" Scott said the curry issue was argued for several minutes, and no matter what he said, she had a challenging retort. "Jeez," he sighed to me, "all she had to do was say, 'Okay, you don't like curry, then do you want to share the artichoke dip?'"

Jake (from New York City) thought his date was smart but he wasn't attracted to her "masculine vibe." She was wearing a dark business suit, no jewelry, and had a short haircut. He summed it up, "If you're a girl, dress like a girl!" Other men described "manly" women who had a brisk power stride when they walked down the sidewalk, or women who tried to hail the taxi during their date instead of letting the man do it, or women who frequently used business-speak such as "The bottom line is...." The Boss Lady made him feel like he was at the office, not on a romantic date.

Let me be very clear: My research does not imply you should change who you are or pretend to be someone you're not. Rather, the goal is to keep the ball in your court. If you are aware of the stereotypes with which men label women, and if you can make a few quick and easy adjustments, then more men will call you for a second date. Then you can accept or decline his invitation: you're doing the selecting, not him.

So, what to do if you think men are stereotyping you as The Boss Lady? Here are three easy tips:

Soften your delivery. Some of the negative perceptions a man has about The Boss Lady are reactions to how she speaks and acts, not about her inherent personality. Toning down your conversation style from combative or challenging to gracious, and even a little flirtatious, goes a long way. And if you find yourself on opposite sides of an issue, try sprinkling qualifying words into your dialogue such as "I think" or "I wonder" or "maybe," which allow for disagreement but aren't adversarial.
Look like a woman. At work, conservative and structured clothing allows you to be taken seriously, but it's not exactly sensual by candlelight. Don't go straight from work in your power suit to meet him for dinner; rather, change into something soft and flirty. And try growing your hair longer: men told me that shoulder-length hair (or longer) is more feminine. Sure, you're a strong and capable woman, but think Scarlett O'Hara not Hillary Clinton.
Select what you need, not want. Like the Rolling Stones say, "You can't always get what you want, but you just might find, you get what you need." So think hard about the men you're selecting. For The Boss Lady, a nurturing, giving type of guy can be optimal (maybe he's a teacher or chef instead of Wall Street broker?). That's the opposite image of what most successful career women seek, but your best match might be a man who balances you emotionally: someone who is laid-back, sweet, surrendering, and patient. He might be just what you need.

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Did it help? or it just sucks? Let me know by giving your comments! :)

Dating 101: Guys Who Don't Get the 2nd Date

2009-05-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

I read this article of Rachel Greenwald, a dating coach, that will really help many puzzled guys out there about not getting a second date:

Dating study reveals a surprising trend in the type of single men that fail to entice women to continue courtship.

"It's a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don't win." Let me explain.

As a dating coach and matchmaker, I've spent the past 10 years conducting some unconventional dating research using a business concept called "Exit Interviews." While earning my MBA degree at Harvard Business School, I learned how candid exit interviews from an employee leaving his company can reveal crucial feedback, empowering managers to get something right next time with future clients and employees. So I thought: why not try this tactic in the dating world?

The Dating Poll

In one poll, I asked over 100 single women to confess the real reasons they didn't accept a second date with a man. My goal was to help men discover simple mistakes or misperceptions which they could adjust next time with someone new. The women I interviewed came from 23 states and 6 countries, with ages ranging from 21 to 68. Five top reasons emerged strong and consistent, but what was the number-one turnoff? Did it have something to do with the shortcomings of the bad boys, men afraid of commitment, or guys who were too short, bald, potbellied, or unemployed? Not at all. Here, single women define the men they dated who don't make it for a second round of courtship.

The Puppy Dog

Betsy, a 50-year-old lawyer in Seattle, mused about a guy she dated who reminded her of that "Sex and the City" episode when Carrie was dating Aidan and complained about how he was too available: He didn't do the ever-seductive withholding dance or make her stomach flip. Betsy admitted, "The early stage of dating is just one big game, whether we like it or not. It's a cat and mouse game; puppy dogs don't win."

The Incessant Flatterer

Emily, a 39-year-old writer from Boston, said about one man, "Eagerness can be flattering, but this felt a little desperate... it became annoying. Also, because it was a first date, [I think] it had more to do with a fantasy about me, than me." Hillary, a 35-year-old magazine editor from New York, NY, remarked, "I went out with him in the first place because he was so complimentary to me. I thought I should give him a chance. Normally I like a man who doesn't play games, but the flattery really became overkill." Karen, a 28-year-old health care consultant in Madison, WI, sighed, "He looked like a sad puppy when I said goodnight."

The Edgeless Man

Women complained in droves about single men who reminded them of puppies. These guys followed them around and were too eager to please. Men who were "too nice" often appeared desperate or weak. They didn't have an "edge." And their "gushing" early emails with excessive flattery were a turnoff.

The Over-Gusher

Liz, a 41-year-old language translator from Sherman Oaks, CA, told me about the guy who sent such effusive emails after they met that she "was disappointed to receive them." She said, "I wanted the polite, even enthusiastic thank-you along with a compliment or two, but not the over-gush. I guess I wanted him to maintain a little mystery." Jenna, a 33-year-old graphic designer in Miami, FL, commented: "He was too nice, too transparent... he didn't intrigue me."

The Sweetie

Emma, a 25-year-old advertising associate in London, described a guy she could have "walked all over." And Shannon, a 38-year-old accountant from Cincinnati, remembered declining a third date with a too-nice guy who came to her office after she got promoted. He spent hours organizing her files and brought her an expensive "congratulations" plant. She said, "He was so good on paper, and I guess I'd call him 'sweet,' but he didn't have an edge."

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

As these confessions poured in, I worried whether the old adage "Nice guys finish last" could actually be true. I hoped not, because I personally love "nice guys" (I even married one! And after 16 happy years, let me offer this endorsement: nice guys are the only ones who stand the test of time). But as I spoke to women in more detail, they clarified what they really meant, and I felt reassured. It's not that women don't want a "nice guy" (they absolutely do when they are in a marriage-minded mode!), but rather guys should simply monitor the quantity of their effusive compliments and sweet gestures. Like most things in life, a little bit of a good thing goes a long way, but too much is overwhelming and usually a turnoff.

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Dating 101: Four Signs He's Over You

2009-05-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

Has your guy been behaving strangely lately? Be warned: This could be his exit strategy.
By Dating blogger Gregory Gilderman

Sure, guys are supposed to be the tougher sex, but when it comes to breaking up with a chick, we turn into serious wusses. Of course, we know the right thing would be to sit you down and say, "Listen, it's over." But no -- instead, we use passive-aggressive tactics in the hopes that you'll hate us so much, you'll pull the plug first. Some clues your guy could be taking the coward's way out...

#1. He Doesn't Do What He Says He Will
Yes, it's true: You usually have to ask guys about 10 times before they'll actually help you put in those bathroom shelves -- that's typical. But when he promises to go with you to a friend's party and then bails or doesn't call when he says he will, that's a problem. "When I started losing interest in my ex, I intentionally became really flaky," says Bruce, 24. "I just didn't feel like going out of my way for her anymore."

#2. He Keeps Asking You, "Are We Okay?"
Let's be honest here: Single men hate to talk about relationships. So if he starts suggesting weekly powwows, take notice. "I didn't want to just flat out break her heart, so instead, I tried to hint that I wasn't the right guy for her," says Jack, 32. "I'd ask, 'So, what do you want for the future?' Since I knew she wanted a guy who could take care of her financially, I'd say something like 'I don't want to be a VP someday. Money is overrated.' After enough of these talks, she realized I wouldn't be the rich husband she wanted."

#3. He Makes You into the Bad Guy
Your guy starts constantly choosing his buddies over you... and yet, he says you're the selfish one. It's called deflecting. "I'd been wanting to break up with my girl, but I couldn't bring myself to do it," explains Tyler, 28. "So instead, I made it seem like she was a rotten girlfriend by telling her she wasn't giving me enough of her time or accusing her of cheating." See how it works? Eventually, you'll be dying to free yourself from his incessant harping (or so he hopes).

#4. He Makes Comments About Attractive Women
Look, no guy is stupid enough to go on about how sensual some random chick is in front of his girlfriend... unless, of course, he's trying to be inconsiderate. "Once I knew it was over, I just stopped censoring myself," says David, 27. "If I were watching a music video on TV, I would say that I'd never seen a body so perfect. I knew it upset her, but I just didn't care at that point."

Source

Dating Rules: Secrets to Keep and Secrets to Spill

2009-05-21T21:57:00.001-07:00

Girls out there! Confused whether you're gonna tell your partner your greatest secrets or not? Here's an article of Marisa Cohen that will really help you in that:

In a perfect relationship, you wouldn't keep any secrets from your sweetie. And you'd never have to worry if he were keeping anything from you, because his life, too, would be an open book.

But we live in the real world, where even the healthiest couples sometimes hide things from each other. To most of us, the secret to end all secrets (and many relationships) is an affair -- and no one will quibble with the devastating consequences of infidelity. Yet even "small" deceptions can rock a relationship, and it can be hard to draw the line between what's harmless and what's not.

So how to tell what can stay safely tucked away and what calls for a confession? We asked dating experts to outline the rules for secret keeping (and sharing).

Dating Rule #1: Secrets You Must Spill
If you want a relationship grounded in mutual trust (and who doesn't?), certain issues require full disclosure. "If something has a chance of impacting your partner's future or his life with you, then he has a right to know about it," says Mira Kirshenbaum, a relationship expert and author of "Is He Mr. Right?" This includes anything from the past that has reverberations in the present (lingering debts, a chronic medical condition, past emotional abuse), and anything in the present that could affect the future (a health scare, a potential downsizing at work).

As many couples find out too late, when you keep a secret that profoundly affects your family, you face a double whammy when the secret eventually -- or inevitably -- implodes: After the first shock wave from the hidden truth rips through the family, you're hit with the secondary tremors that come from the resulting feelings of betrayal and distrust. "My husband was running a retail website, and he assured me it was doing well," recalls Karen, a 39-year-old mom of two. "I thought I could stay home with my children and not have to worry about making money myself." A year ago, however, Karen discovered that her husband's business was in the hole for more than $1 million, and he had taken out a line of credit against their house. The truth came out only when he announced that he would have to take an additional job. "I was furious!" Karen says. A year later, her family has begun recovering from the financial blow, but Karen is still dealing with her sense of hurt, anger, and betrayal.

When confronted with such a big, sudden revelation, it's natural to think, "Why didn't you tell me? I'm the one person on earth who is supposed to understand!" But the reasons men, in particular, keep secrets like these are multilayered, say the experts. They may, like Karen's husband, want to keep up an appearance of being strong and in control -- out of fear that you'll stop loving them if you see them in a different, vulnerable light. They may be loath to deal with the turbulence they know their secret will unleash. And yes, some men may just hope that silence will help them avoid a fight. "Men are wary of women's emotional reactivity and usually shy away from conflicts," says Redbook Love Network expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men." "They'll do anything to avoid making a woman furious, though they usually end up making things worse."

Even when your secret is something that seems minor to you, you must be open with your partner if it's related to a topic he's expressed curiosity or a strong opinion about. "As soon as you get serious with someone, sit down and ask him, 'Is there anything you want to know about me that I haven't told you yet?'" advises Redbook Love Network expert Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of "Getting the Love Your Want." It's a clear-the-air strategy even long-term couples can use. And as counterintuitive as this may sound, the more likely your partner is to freak out about your secret, the more important it is that you confess, Hendrix adds, because if the truth about a sensitive subject comes out later, the rupture could be even more serious. Not only does your partner need all of this information to be able to make informed decisions about your life together, he also needs to know that you trust him enough to share it. "If you don't tell your partner about something, then you're really saying he's not wise enough, generous enough, or loving enough to handle it," says Kirshenbaum. "And that can be deeply wounding."

Dating Rule #2: Secrets to Consider Spilling
If you're honest with yourself, then it's not too hard to figure out which secrets fall into the "Red Light! Stop and Spill Everything" category. But what about the ones -- especially those transgressions from your distant past -- that belong in the murkier "Slow Down and Think Before You Spill" zone? On the one hand, if some embarrassing episode from your history is long past and has no impact on your life today, you can consider keeping your lips sealed.

Here's another important factor when weighing whether or not to tell. Murphy's Law of love says that the less you want a secret to be revealed, the more likely it is to suddenly spring up in your relationship like a jack-in-the-box, shouting, "Gotcha!" So consider this: Are there any pictures floating around on the Internet that might give you away? Any friends who have a habit of telling your somewhat sordid old stories after a couple of mojitos? How about an ex-lover who could potentially reappear? If there's any way your partner might accidentally learn your secret, it's better that you do the telling first.

Coming clean about your romantic past is a worthy goal, but Kirshenbaum warns that you must tread carefully. "You don't need to give the exact number of previous lovers or endless details about what you did with them," she says. "There's absolutely no point in filling your partner's head with mental images that can't be deleted."

Dating Rule #3: Shhh! Secrets That Won't Kill Him
Sure, as a rule, honesty is the best policy. But anyone who's been in a long-term relationship knows that there is definitely some wiggle room when it comes to keeping a few personal tidbits to yourself, provided they are harmless and don't involve any outright lies. Maybe you earned a bonus and spent it all on a new leather jacket without telling him; or he listens to Howard Stern on the radio on his way to work and doesn't tell you. "Even when we're married, we still have private selves," says Kirshenbaum. "It's healthy to have a sense that this is my personal business and no one else's." In fact, keeping an innocent little part of yourself off-limits can add some spark to your relationship. If he knew every last detail about your life, what fun revelations could there possibly be in the future?

Some couples find that hanging a veil of secrecy over certain aspects of their lives helps make their marriages run much more smoothly. "For the first decade of our marriage, my husband and I fought over every purchase I made, from a bag of cleaning supplies to a new coat," says Laurel, 36. "Finally, I had this breakthrough: if he doesn't see a bill, he won't think about it! So now I use cash when I shop. If I want to buy a pair of shoes, and I can afford them, he doesn't have to know how much they cost. Believe me, everyone in the house is a lot happier now."

Just make sure you and your guy are on the same page. If you're both willing to trade complete candor for a bit of ignorance-is-bliss harmony, then there's no harm, and plenty of potential gain. But, Haltzman points out, this deal only works when it goes both ways. Don't harass him about the cost of his new camera lens if you don't want him to ask you the price of that new handbag -- and when it doesn't involve an area you are working on together, like a budget. "If your partner has expressed a desire to work cooperatively on something and you're still keeping information from him, then you've crossed that line," Haltzman says.
One clue that your secret is a healthy one: The evidence is usually hidden in plain sight. If your partner really wanted to know how much those shoes cost, he could notice the fancy label on the insole; if you really wanted to know what offensive radio show he was listening to, you could click on his preprogrammed radio stations next time you're in the car.

Some deceptions are just plain burdensome, often creating more anxiety and distress than coming clean ever would. "I agonized about my secret for the first several months I was dating my now husband," says Cathy, 41. "I'm 10 years older than he is, and I was sure he would dump me if he found out." Her day of reckoning came when they joined Paul's mother for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. "She looked on the place mat and said, 'I was born in the year of the monkey. Which year are you?'" Cathy steeled herself and told the truth, revealing her age. "I was sure my boyfriend would break up with me, but he just laughed and said he didn't think I was too old for him. He was worried that I would think he was too young for me!" Proof that the truth has a way of coming out -- and when you've got a partner you trust, it doesn't have to be so awful after all.

How to Spill a Secret
Here's the smart and sensitive way to tell your guy what you've been hiding:

Make an appointment. Don't just spring it on him. Say, "I have something important to discuss with you. Can we find an hour tonight to talk?"

Pick the right spot. Avoid spilling in a crowded public place, like a restaurant, or your bedroom, which should be reserved for positive experiences. Find a safe, neutral spot, like the den or a park.

Be prepared to apologize. "The big mistake is trying to make it seem as if the revelation is no big deal," says marriage counselor Mira Kirshenbaum. "You need to say, 'I'm sorry, there's something I should have told you a long time ago, but I was ashamed to tell you. I hope you'll forgive me.'"

Enlist a third party. A major reveal works best with a referee. Recruit a friend you both trust -- or in the case of the biggest bombshells, such as an affair, a marriage counselor.

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How to Know if Someone Likes You Romantically

2009-05-21T03:22:00.000-07:00

Behavior

Step 1

Pay attention to your conversations with the person in question. Does this person show a special interest in having a conversation with you and, once started, make an effort to keep that conversation going?

Step 2

Is this person "accidentally" running into you in places where he or she knows you will be, such as at your desk? At the Laundromat on Tuesdays? At your brother's birthday party?

Step 3

Make a note if he or she mentions future plans to spend time with you: "That band is coming to town soon. We should really get tickets."

Step 4

Spend time alone together. Canceling other plans in order to be with you longer, or not finding excuses to leave, could be a sign of interest.

Step 5

Has he or she been calling for random reasons, such as, "I was wondering if you knew what that pizza place down the street is called," followed by, "Are you hungry?"

Step 6

Has this person taken a sudden interest in your life and hobbies? This is a sure sign that he or she is interested in something - and it's probably not your stamp collection.

Step 7

Observe how the person acts around your friends - he or she might be extra friendly to your closest pals for a reason.

Body Language

Step 1

Sometimes seeing someone you have a crush on results in telltale physiological signs. Does the person in question blush when you look at him or her? His or her sympathetic nervous system is probably going into overdrive. Does he or she have trouble speaking, using jumbled words when talking to you?

Step 2

See if the person in question mirrors your motions: When you lean back, he or she leans back; when you put your elbows on the table, he or she does the same.

Step 3

Note whether this person sits or stands in the open position - that is, facing you with arms uncrossed. In addition, a woman tends to cross her legs in a man's direction.

Step 4

Does he or she move closer to you and/or touch you subtly, such as with a pat of your hand or a touch of your cheek?

Step 5

Other elements of body language include frequent eye contact, holding your gaze and looking down before looking away, energetic speech coupled with open hands, and flashing palms.

Step 6

Does the person you're wondering about just plain smile at you a lot?

Source

How to Be Kissable

2009-05-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

Hey Kisser! If you're gonna read this post,
it's better to pause Taylor Swift's Love Story up there, and play this song:

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Okay good, now read!

How to Be Kissable (Don't Laugh! This is for real!)

Steps

1. Have fresh breath. Begin by brushing and flossing your teeth twice daily. During the day, especially after meals, use breath mints or breath strips, also floss after brushing may help. Breath strips work better, especially if you've just ended a garlicky dinner or what not. Be careful about gum because you will have to get rid of it before kissing. Or keep it and once you are more comfortable, you might suggest a game where you and your partner try to trade pieces.

2. Make sure that your lips are well moisturized. You should also apply lip balm frequently (carry one in your pocket or purse). This will help keep your lips soft. Simply brush your lips with your tongue. Make sure it is not over powering though.

3. Don't forget to look after your skin. Use products with shea butter, it's better than most other skincare ingredients and it doesn't leave a greasy feel after use (who would want to kiss you if your skin shines like sweat?).
4. Make plenty of eye contact. This provides the intimate connection that is an invitation to kissing. If you have large glasses try taking them off, or getting contacts for the future. Some people absolutely hate it when your glasses start to interfere with the contact. Try taking them off before kissing though, since a hand gesture toward your glasses might be found unromantic.

5. Being comfortable makes you appear more relaxed and therefore more kissable. Make sure you are wearing comfortable clothes. And if you're a guy, most people like smooth hairless faces so don't forget to shave if you need to.

6. Make sure to look at your (future) partner's lips every once in a while. This connotes the idea of kissing and hopefully he/she will pick up the hint. If they do not look back at your lips, don't worry it's just not the best time in your relationship.
7. Ensure your mouth isn't carrying a river of fluid! Just before kissing - swallow discretely. As you move your tongue around your mouth(French) and use a very light sucking action (standard kiss), the glands on your tongue and in your mouth will produce more mucus. You don't want your lips dry but you certainly don't want to dribble in your partner's mouth either.
8. Smile and relax. When you are tense, your whole body will respond including your tongue and lips. Don't worry - they are probably as nervous as you are in either a first kiss or the first kiss of a new relationship.you can now be an expert first time round.

Tips

* When you notice your partner leaning towards you & looking you dead in the eye,he or she wants to kiss. If the environment is not conducive to a kiss, use the next opportunity.
* A surprise kiss is often quite memorable, but if you don't know if the person likes you as more than a friend, it can be a disaster. You should always have consent.
* When you kiss someone (especially if it is just a casual kiss) DO NOT pucker your lips (in other words, don't "smooch")! Say the word "peaches" silently to yourself- your lips will be in the perfect position. It also helps not to lick your lips; no one likes a messy, wet kiss.
* If you smoke or dip tobacco, quit! In addition to being bad for your health, smoking or dipping yellows your teeth and causes severe bad breath, which will keep others from even thinking about kissing you!
* Some people want to kiss in the earlier stages in a relationship. If you want to kiss, most likely the person you're with wants to kiss. Go for it!
* If you are a girl wear a light shade of lipstick or flavored lip gloss so it shows your partner you are up for a kiss.
* Guys, having a clean shaven face is best. A stubble can hurt the girl after a while from constant rubbing.
* Guys, chapstick or vaseline won't hurt
* Make your kiss last long, and if you want to remember it keep your position and keep following up with kisses. You don't want your kiss to be over in a second.
* Sometimes, while kissing its fun to run your fingers through your partner's hair vice versa for them. So it might be a turn-off if your hair is super stiff. Try to avoid heavy duty hair products if you think you'll be kissing that night!
* Set your limits, if all you want to do is kiss, make it clear, and don't ever go past your zone of comfort
* Make sure you don't have chapped lips, this could keep someone from kissing you. so put on some chapstick!

Warnings

* If you have severe bad breath that is not helped by brushing, flossing, etc., consult your dentist or doctor. Listerine might help so an extra 30 seconds will not hurt!

Things You'll Need

* A person who is open to kissing activities
* Breath mints (highly recommended)
* Lip mask (optional but works well, especially for easily chapped lips!)
* Lip balm (optional)

Now, I cant wait to see how kissable are you! Alrighty! HAHA! :)

Source

General dating rules for Women

2009-05-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

Dating Rules for Women

The Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female

Guys: If you don't like this, look away now.

In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don't take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's 1995 bestseller "The Rules," explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren't any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.

You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.
Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.
Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

Always let them come to you, don't chase them via email.
Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
Never provide your real email or phone details.
Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
If you don't want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.

Source

Now, hope both general dating rules for men and women will help you guys. Some tips doesn't have any sense but most tips are very EFFECTIVE. Better try or apply it now. :)

General dating rule for Men

2009-05-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

General Dating Rules For Men

The Ins and Outs of the Dating Game for Guys

You are a guy who is always in a serious relationship. You are a guy who hasn't dated in years. Or maybe you're a guy who has never been successful with women. Whatever your situation, there are some common dating rules to follow when venturing into the dating jungle. These conventions even the playing field, preparing you for success while protected your emotions. Women are trained from day one in the art of dating warfare. They have a physical and emotional arsenal that you may never hope to match. But you won't be outgunned if you properly prepare for the battle.

1. Look your best. Get some decent clothes and shoes. Women always look at your shoes, even if you last checked your Nikes in 1996. Get clothes that fit you, suit you and are contemporary. Don't just buy one outfit, sort out your entire wardrobe. Buy a nice tailored suit, there is no excuse not to. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of her?

2. Sort out your hygiene and styling. Go down to the barbers and clean up your hair, getting it styled if possible. If you don't have much hair, still get down to the salon, maybe get your head shaved. Or just get a regular shave, a professional shave will leave your face looking and feeling great. Then it is off to the shops with you for good quality cologne and a grooming kit. Men are so often criticized for smelling bad. Get into a regular showering routine so you will always smell fresh and clean. Women appreciate it.

3. Sort out your job if you have one. Women want a man who has some ambition in life. Coasting along as a skateboard instructor is generally not going to win you a real catch (though I'd give it a go, I love skateboarding). Any job is better than none, but knuckle down and sort out some direction in your life. If possible try and look like you have something of a career. If you have a manual job, at least have some plans to work for yourself, and if you already do, then you are on the right track. But know what you are about work wise and have some idea of your future plans because women will ask questions about your prospects. Even if they pretend it isn't important, it is.

4. Be in the know. Make sure you are up to date with current affairs, watch the news and read quality papers. Women do not appreciate stupidity, and laziness is no excuse for sounding dumb. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world we live in. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously. If you don't, make plans to travel and tell her about it. Proving you are willing and able to plan vacations is essential in the grand scheme of things.

5. Do not extol the virtues of drinking in the bar 5 nights a week. This will never win any fair princess's heart. If you spend all your time boozing with the boys, it's time to take a step back and pick up some more productive habits. Taking your lady for a drink is fine, especially if you take her to get cocktails at a nice lounge, but give them the impression that you live there will get you absolutely nowhere fast.

6. Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoying watch the game with your buddies, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favorite player's number tattooed on your back, you may have a problem. If you are serious about dating, rattling off baseball stats, ranting about unfair umpires and constantly check the score will put them off in record time. To the uninitiated, sports are completely boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.

9. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex, you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams, there is nothing sexier than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman.

10. Read up on manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a top restaurant. Know about fashion, jewelry and flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you'll be on the right path.

11. Start listening and stop talking. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one-man circus. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her even more.

12. Give up smoking. Now.

13. Learn to dance even if you have two left feet. Women love to dance and it puts you two in close contact. It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. Try joining salsa and ballroom classes. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.

Source

Problems in Love Relationships

2009-05-04T20:56:00.000-07:00

“Personal unhappiness
is the greatest contributor
to relationship problems.”

"You don't love me
like I love you"

Problems can creep in when we start to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” We start examining all the things we do for our lover. All the ways we express our love and how much time and energy we’re putting into the relationship. Then we try to figure out if our lover is giving an equal amount back. If we perceive a discrepancy in that balance sheet, we start to back away from the relationship. We don't want to love more than they love. We become fearful that if we love them more than they love us, we might be played for a fool.

Useful Questions:

Focus on how you feel when YOU are loving. Does loving someone feel good regardless if it’s returned? Is your loving someone conditional on them loving you back? If so, why?
Do you feel loved when your partner isn’t around? If not, why not? Do you accept yourself, appreciate your qualities?
Are you doing things for your lover that you really don't want to do, but feel you need to, to keep their love? Are you doing things for them, expecting something in return? What are you expecting? And have you told them what that is?
Have you talked to your partner about what things cause you to feel loved? (Don’t get caught up in “if they loved me, they’d know”, cause they don’t.)

"We don't have anything in common anymore."

You love each other and that's why you got together in the first place, but you don't really seem to have much in common anymore. You’re into philosophy and art. They're into sports. You like books and going for walks, and she always wants to go sailing. But you tell yourself that marriage is a sacrifice. A give and take. You’ve been told you should put aside your own interests to make the relationship work. You have to compromise, right? But when you give up what you love for the sake of the relationship, you end up resenting the person and conclude you don't have anything in common.

If you had these differences when you fell in love, chances are it's not about having nothing in common, but not having the connection and intimacy you once had.

Useful Questions:

Has the amount of one-on-one time changed since you first met?
Do you still share everything with your partner like you use to?
What would happen if you did what you wanted, and they did what they wanted?
How much time do you have to spend with your lover to feel you have a successful relationship? How did you arrive at that amount? What would it mean if you had separate interests?
Do you see yourself and your partner as two separate people who choose to be together or do you feel some type of obligation?
Do you believe “Love means to sacrifice.”? If so, why?

"We can't talk about that."

Every time you approach certain subjects, it turns into an argument. In the back of your mind, you decide to avoid that topic in the future because you don't want to fight. You don't want the conflict. You believe fighting means the relationship is on rocky ground or is threatening to the relationship. You want to stay together, but believe if you fight, you might separate. So you become afraid to talk about one or two subjects. Over time, that list of "don't touch that one" becomes more and more numerous. And as the list of avoided topics grows, it starts to feel like you can't talk with each other anymore. You feel distant and detached. You start wondering how much longer you can live like this. The silence grows.

Useful Questions:

Examine your beliefs about love and arguing. Are you afraid of being hurt in relationships? Does disagreeing with someone always mean hurt feelings? If so, why? How could you do it differently?
Do you limit yourself in some way when with your lover? Why? What might happen if you let them see and hear all of you?
Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move?
Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)
Talk to your partner about your concerns while keeping the focus on your feelings and not their behavior. (Helpful hint: Be watchful of terms like “you always, you never, you make me feel.” Try this instead: “When you [the behavior], I find myself felling [your feelings]...”)
Learn to be more accepting of your partner by becoming more accepting of yourself.

"It would be easier to start over with someone else."

Some time has passed in the relationship and you've both built up lies. Some big ones but mostly small ones. They're not blatant lies, but mostly unspoken thoughts and feelings. The intentions behind the lies were to protect yourself and your partner from pain. But now, your problems seem overwhelming and you can't talk openly and honestly about them because you've already established a certain pattern of communication. It seems it would be considerably easier to just start fresh with a new partner. One where you could be yourself without fear.

Useful Questions:

Is honesty in your love relationship ever a “wrong” move?
Why do you believe that? (Read more about how honesty effects relationships)
Get clear on what you've lied about to your partner. What would happen if you shared what you learned? What is the worst that would happen? Are you capable of handling that? Why or why not?.
Figure out what you're afraid would happen if you were honest with them about those issues.
Talk to your partner about your concerns of being TOTALLY honest. Keep the focus on YOUR feelings and not their behavior.
Muster up the courage to tell them what you've lied about. Repeat to yourself, "No matter what happens, I will be okay."

"If you loved me you would....."

Unspoken and unacknowledged expectations take a large toll in relationships. In having expectations, you're expecting your partner to be a certain way in order to believe they love and care about you. If you don't get what you expect, you conclude all kinds of negative things about the relationship that may not be true.

Useful Questions:

Do your expectations have to be fulfilled for you to be happy? If so, why?
Do you expect your partner to conform to your wants? What does it mean when they don't?
Do you have preset rules in your love relationships? If so, what are they and why?
Do you find yourself often saying “he should” or “she should”?
Do you have any “If you loved me you would...[fill in the blank]'s”? If so, what are they?
Can you think of a time you didn't do what someone wanted you to do? Did you love them, even though you didn't do what they wanted? Could it be the same with your partner?
Do you use another’s words and actions as “evidence or proof” that they love you?. If your partner does that thing or activity you want, then do they love you? If they don't, is that a sign they don't love you or care? If yes, why?
Understand everyone has different wants, desires, and beliefs about what it means to be loving.
Be Honest
Examine what expectations you DO have, then openly discuss them with your partner. Find out what theirs are.

SOURCE

How To Ask a Girl Out

2009-04-30T05:30:00.000-07:00

One of the toughest things a man can do is attempt to get a date. Many men struggle with this from the moment they enter puberty up until they are married.

If you are a man that has been in the dating arena unsuccessfully for a while, then you may be thinking women are not interested in you because of your social status, insecurities, or looks. The truth is that it does not always matter what you have. It matters who you are and how you portray yourself.

Any man can pick up nearly any girl he wants. All you need to do is believe in yourself and use the right techniques. It's really an art, but deep down you're actually an artist, whether you realize it or not. To unlock your full potential with an extensive guide, I recommend The Art of Approaching Women.

Now let's get started with these simple steps!

1. Always leave home well-groomed. While, you do not have to be the best-looking man on the block, it does help if you look like you care about your appearance.

Wear nice, clean clothes and cologne when you go out. Remember that while you are single right now, first impressions mean everything. Dress to impress her, whoever she may be.

If you have been wearing the same pants since 1982, buy some new ones! You want to show her that you are ready for any situation the moment it arises, even if it is just asking her out.

You might be asking yourself if you are just running to the grocery store why you need to wear your best clothes. The answer is simple. You never know when you are going to meet a girl you might be interested in dating.

If you find her in the ten items or less line, and you are holding a 12-pack of beer, some corn nuts, and you have on your patented "plumber" sweatpants, how interested do you think she is going to be?

These tips make obvious sense to women, but men sometimes have to look at things from a different perspective in order to arrive at dating success. Talk to a female friend. Or better yet, here's a goldmine of dating advice from a woman's perspective, complete with all the juicy secrets that women would probably rather you DON'T know: Pickup, Dating and Seduction Guide.
2. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. No matter what female you approach, you will find there will be one universal truth about them all. All women like to be complimented.

Flattery will get you much further than cynical and rude behavior. You might think girls like bad boys and this may be true. However, if a girl likes a bad boy, that bad boy is still nice to her.

Have a general idea of what you want to say. If you know the girl well, comment on something you know she likes to do or likes about herself and go from there.

If you do not know the girl and you want to get to know her, try making a joke or asking her for help when you are making a decision. For instance, if you are in a grocery store, ask for help in picking out a certain brand or a type of produce. Women love to rescue that adorably helpless man in an everyday situation.

Use things like this to your advantage. No matter what, remember that what you say initially will help to make or break your chances.
3. Never be afraid to ask for what you want. If you want to ask a girl out but you do not feel you know her well enough, test the waters and ask for her phone number.

If she likes your approach, she will give you hers or ask for yours. If she gives you her number, call her. You can almost guarantee if this happens that it will be possible to get a date with her. However, use the phone number to your advantage at least once.

When you call to ask her out be polite and funny. Be charming! Try to have an idea of what you want to say when she picks up the phone. Being prepared will help make the presentation better and her decision to go on a date with you much easier.
4. Have a Plan of Action. If you know the girl, it is best to plan the first date around her interests.

If she is a chef, you might offer to take her out for a gourmet meal that she does not have to cook! If she likes the outdoors, you might suggest a picnic on the beach. Whatever you plan does not really matter as long as you have her interests in mind.

You might want to test the waters by asking her what her dream date would be like. If you can make her dream date happen, consider asking her if she would like to go on that date with you!

Of course, you could always surprise her with the date of a lifetime. By doing so, you are sure to give her one date she will never forget.
5. Only make promises you can keep. The most important thing is that you fulfill any promises you make. Be yourself and have a good time with her.

Women like men who are comfortable with themselves. Just be honest and up-front and you will see how easy asking her out can be. In fact, if you continue this trend, you may even get more than one date out of the deal.

Asking women out is a breeze when following these tips. For more dating advice, I recommend checking out quality dating blogs. In fact, women are usually just as nervous in these moments as men are. Go easy, be honest, and have fun and she is sure to return the favor tenfold!

SOURCE

Smiles Predict Marriage Success

2009-04-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

If you want to know whether your marriage will survive, look at your spouse's yearbook photos.
Psychologists have found that how much people smile in old photographs can predict their later success in marriage.
In one test, the researchers looked at people's college yearbook photos, and rated their smile intensity from 1 to 10. None of the people who fell within the top 10 percent of smile strength had divorced, while within the bottom 10 percent of smilers, almost one in four had had a marriage that ended, the researchers say. (Scoring was based on the stretch in two muscles: one that pulls up on the mouth, and one that creates wrinkles around the eyes.)
In a second trial, the research team asked people over age 65 to provide photos from their childhood (the average age in the pictures was 10 years old). The researchers scored each person's smile, and found that only 11 percent of the biggest smilers had been divorced, while 31 percent of the frowners had experienced a broken marriage.
Overall, the results indicate that people who frown in photos are five times more likely to get a divorce than people who smile.
While the connection is striking, the researchers stress that they can't conclude anything about the cause of the correlation.
"Maybe smiling represents a positive disposition towards life," said study leader Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana. "Or maybe smiling people attract other happier people, and the combination may lead to a greater likelihood of a long-lasting marriage. We don't really know for sure what's causing it."
Hertenstein said he has considered other explanations, such as the possibility that people who smile more often tend to attract more friends, and a larger support network makes it easier to keep a marriage healthy. Or it could be that people who smile when a photographer tells them to are more likely to have obedient personalities, which could make marriage easier.
The results of the study fit into a larger pattern of research that has found many personality characteristics can be determined from very thin slices of behavior. Basically, we often reveal ourselves in the most subtle, simple ways.
And smiling in photographs has been shown to be correlated with a number of traits, including a generally happier disposition.
"I think [our results] go along with a lot of the literature that's been coming out over the last five to 10 years, which shows that positive emotionality is incredibly important in our lives," Hertenstein told LiveScience. "There are many, many beneficial outcomes to a positive disposition."
The findings are also notable because they found a connection between photos taken when people were young and marriage outcomes that sometimes occurred much later.
"It feeds into this idea that what's occurring earlier in our lives in terms of our present situation and our mental state can predict things that occur decades later," Hertenstein said. "Showing the continuity in who we are is really important."
The study is detailed in the April 5 issue of the journal Motivation and Emotion.

SOURCE

10 Ways to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

2009-04-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

So you like him. Call it a crush, butterflies in the stomach or love at first sight, bottom line - you like him. Now the question is how do you get HIM to like YOU enough to ask you out? There is no sure-fire formula. But do not despair. Here are easy suggestions for you to experiment with and Cupid will do the rest!

1. Be yourself.

Few things put a man off as much as artifice. So if you are talking louder or laughing or smiling more than you normally do, ease up. It may actually backfire. (this is the one of 5 Common First Date Mistakes)

2. Extend this point to external appearances too.

If you are uncomfortable with very short skirts, high heels and dramatic make-up stay clear of them. A natural look and one that you are comfortable with, is very attractive.

3. Accentuate your advantages.

Instead of killing your confidence by following uncomfortable fashion trends, look exquisite by just accentuating your physical advantages. Whether the most beautiful thing about you is your height, your complexion, your eyes or anything else, draw attention to it with flattering clothes and make-up.

4. Take the initiative.

Shrinking coy violets rarely get noticed. So don’t wait the entire evening praying fervently that he will talk to you. Do it first. Smile or say hello to him. Your confidence will disarm him.

5. Leave small gates and windows open.

After you have surmounted that initial wall, leave small gates and windows open. Respond to him physically and verbally with frequent glances and smiles, commenting on the topics and statements he makes and laughing at his jokes. He will realize that you are interested in him.

6. Find out what he likes.

Subtly find out what he likes - food, sports, cars etc and turn the direction of the group’s conversation into that direction. Sound knowledgeable and genuinely interested in those discussions.

7. Position yourself cleverly.

If he wants to make a funny statement or share a grin with just you, do not let others obstruct his view or access. Move around constantly so that it is easy for him to see and speak to you, without sticking to his side all evening.

8. Have fun by yourself too.

If you are with another group of friends, do not spend the entire time watching his every move like a hawk. It will spook him. Enjoy yourself with your friends, get them laughing or talking animatedly to you. This will make him wish he was with your crowd…and especially with you. If he walks over or saunters past, give him a friendly smile or welcome.

9. Let him know you are available.

Subtly indicate that you are not seeing anyone at present, particularly when you are about to leave, or see that he is. If this is too difficult, weave it into the general banter.

10. Discuss the right topics.

When you are talking to each other in the group or just with each other, discuss topics that people normally discuss on first dates such as upcoming concerts, good movies, restaurants etc. Sound excited about these things without sounding eager and an invitation may just be a breath away.

Now, can we go out together? ^^

Source

10 Steps How to get the Guy You Want

2009-04-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

Do you want a guy to be crazy about you, the way you are about him? While you can't make someone feel a certain way, you can definitely put your best foot forward and give his feelings a chance to develop. Here are some helpful hints on how to charm a guy, while still being yourself.

STEPS

1. Like yourself. Whether you're goofy, silly, crazy, quirky, smart, reserved, or whatever, how can you expect a guy to like you if you don't like yourself? You've got to show this person how awesome you are, but first you need to know how awesome you are. Build up your self confidence. Now, this doesn't mean you have to be loud, boisterous, arrogant, chatty, or forward. It just means getting to a place where you're comfortable in your own skin. You can be secure, sweet and humble all at the same time. Guys like confident, interesting girls who have their own lives. The only guys who like insecure girls are the ones who are insecure themselves. But who wants to be with a guy who wants a girl to feel bad about herself? That's not healthy, and you deserve better.

2. Get his attention. He can't fancy you if he doesn't know you exist. If you haven't caught his eye yet, then get him to notice you. You've got to walk before you run, right? Say "Hi". Say "Good-bye". Wave. When he reciprocates, is when you know he notices you. Introduce yourself somehow and make conversation. Take an interest in who he is--what he likes, where he's coming from, where he wants to go--and show him who you are, too. While some guys don't like to talk that much, it's nearly impossible for someone to like you if he doesn't get to know you--unless he "likes" you for all the wrong reasons.

3. Crack a joke. Having a good sense of humor makes everything better. That doesn't mean you should be a giggling fool, laughing at everything that crosses your path. Express your sense of humor in your own way. Some people are witty and sarcastic, others can tell hilarious stories, and many people just do quirky things and poke fun at themselves. No matter what tickles your sense of humor, it's much easier to like someone who you can have a good laugh with once in a while. If you don't find something to laugh about together, then maybe you'll discover that you don't like him after all!

4. Do things together. If he loves rock-climbing, ask him if he can show you how, and make a good-faith effort to see why he's so into it. Have an open mind. Find out what you have in common, and include him in your world. If you love a certain kind of music, ask him if he's ever listened to a particular artist and offer to play a CD for him. Finding activities that you can enjoy together can really lay down a bond and further his appreciation of you.

5. Have patience. These things take time. You can't force someone to like you, and trying to hurry things up can ruin the courtship altogether. Give him some space and don't be obsessive. Let things progress at a natural pace, or fade out of natural causes. Eventually he'll tell you one way or another whether or not he's interested in reciprocating your affection. And if he's not, don't hang around him like a lost puppy. Sometimes you might be incompatible in ways that you don't see, and sometimes a guy just isn't ready for a long term relationship. Don't take rejection too personally. It happens. Not everyone in the world is going to like you. Move on! There are other fish in the sea and if you followed the first step, you know that you're a good catch.

TIPS

* Be an all-around great person. If you focus on being a clean, motivated, kind, and humorous individual, how can anyone resist? Some guys might be intimidated, and they're too insecure to be worth your interest anyway. But it's only a matter of time before a guy who can like you for who you really are will come around and see that you're an awesome person to be around.
* Some people prefer being friends first, others prefer to avoid the "just a friend" zone. Ideally, you can be a little bit of both--a friend and a romantic interest.
* Keep in mind that you cannot control what other people think and do. He may be the object of your interest, but that does not create any obligation that you be his. Turn the situation around. If there was some random guy who took an interest in you, is there anything that he could do to make you like him? Probably not. You will like him or not. You will find him attractive or not. You will find him funny or not. All he can do is try to be the best person he can be, and hope that you agree. The reverse is also true. Be the best person you can be, and let it develop--or not--from there.
* Don't talk about your other prospective guys with the guy you're interested in. It's just not good form, and it's a good way to get rid of him.
* If there is no sign of him being interested in you, that doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't interested. He could just be shy, or be a little frightened, especially if he hasn't dated anyone for a long time.
* And don't forget to smile! It's an age old, safe way to extend and invitation to a guy to socialize. Plus it's totally free and increases your face's real estate value instantly!

WARNINGS

* Don't play stupid mind games or send mixed signals. This confuses the guy and has tons of potential for embarrassment.
* If your friends aren't the most mature, do not tell them about him. They will immediately start staring at him and start giggling and chatting and so on. No matter what you say to them, they will look at him. The worst case scenario is when your friends go off on their own and start pestering the guy with a whole lot of questions that all sound a lot like 'What do you think of Jessica?'. This will send him packing.
* Trying too hard to "get" a specific person to like you can be manipulative, something that no one finds attractive or wants to be the object of.
* If these steps work a little too well and he comes on too strong, let him know to take it easy and don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
* Don't confuse kindness with him liking you. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, but be attentive and you'll figure it out.
* If he is dating someone else, he is completely off limits. Respect him by not tempting him to get involved with someone else.
* DO NOT GET PREGNANT! sometimes when a guy likes you, his hormones run crazy, and he'll try to put you in that position. if he does, GET OUT!

So, what are you waiting for? Get your guy now before someone gets him! ^_^

Source

The Phone Call

2009-04-07T05:33:00.000-07:00

A girl quickly punches a number into her phone and waits until she hears the other line pick up.

“Becky, I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. I love him so much and I don’t think he thinks of me that way. I mean, whenever I see him or think of him, I can’t help it, this smile comes across my face. Sometimes he sees me smiling and smiles back. That’s when my knees turn to jello and I get butterflies in my stomach. I know you think that he’s is so totally adorable and cute, but if you look past that and actually listen to what he has to say, you find a totally different person. He’s so caring and considerate and he makes me feel like I don’t deserve him. Well, actually, I don’t deserve him. He’s too perfect, I mean, look at all the girls that fall over for him. I could never be one of those. Their all so pretty and bubbly and….. not me. I couldn’t even start to compare myself to them. But whenever I think of him or see him, I can’t help it, I smile. Now I didn’t tell you this but he called me the other day about homework. I tell you now, I made a complete fool of myself. I’m so embarrassed. I stuttered the whole time, but he was so sweet and just kept talking and making me feel better. He’s so perfect Becky, I don’t deserve him, so why do I keep wishing and praying that he will notice me, why?............Becky? Becky are you there?”

“This isn’t Becky.”

Petrified the girl asks, “Then who is this?”

“ This is the guy who’s smile turns your knees to jello and I just wanted to say one thing. Everything you just said now, I’ve been wanting to say since the day I met you.”

Source

Bliss

2009-04-03T05:38:00.001-07:00

Bliss

Your eyes, your smile.
Your touch, your kiss.
Your promise, your words.
Our everlasting bliss.

- Penelope Bell -

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You

2009-03-31T06:08:00.000-07:00

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You
By Gillian Reynolds Platinum Quality Author

If you are still in contact with your ex after the break up there can be a lot of mixed messages being bandied back and forth. He may suggest that he wants to be friends or he may tell you that he needs some space. When you hear from him it's hard to judge exactly what he's thinking or feeling. This is difficult enough but if you still have strong feelings for him it makes it that much harder. If you want him back you need to be aware of the signs that your ex boyfriend still loves you. This will allow you to gain some insight into whether or not he's hoping for a reunion as well.

When friends or family tell you that your ex asks about you often that's a good sign that he still has strong feelings for you. Once a relationship ends in most cases both people move forward with their lives. If your ex is showing genuine concern for how you are by asking about you, he still cares. You don't want to take the initiative though and have a mutual friend bring you up in a conversation with him. Instead wait and see if he's the one doing the inquiring.

Another of the clear signs that your ex boyfriend still loves you is if he seems genuinely sorry for anything he's done wrong. If your break up occurred because of something he did, he'll try to make things right again and not just with a simple apology. He'll do it through his actions. This will include showing you that he's changed and respecting your suggestions and decisions. This is not only an indication of his remorse it also displays his desire to change for you.

An ex who still loves you will often also talk about how he would have done things differently if given a second chance. If your ex boyfriend still loves you he will be thinking about how wonderful a future with you would be. By alluding to it in conversation he's hoping that he'll stir up your emotions as well.

When a person we loved and the broke up with displays their deep adoration for us, it can make a world of difference. If you still see the man you love when you look at your ex boyfriend there are things you can do to ensure that the reunion between the two of you does occur. There are conscious steps that every woman can take if she wants to get her boyfriend back. Doing the wrong thing can mean the end of the relationship forever.

Find out what you should and shouldn't be doing from this Helpful Site!

Source

The Butterfly Love

2009-03-31T04:46:00.000-07:00

Two butterflies were in love.

One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek.

During the game.....

Boy Butterfly: "A small game within us"

Girl Butterfly:"OK"

Boy Butterfly: "The one who sits in this flower tomorrow early in the morning
is the one who loves the other one more"

Girl Butterfly: "OK"

Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the
flower to open so that he can sit before the girl
butterfly does
Finally, the flower opened

What did he see?

The girl butterfly had died inside the flower

She stayed there all night......so that early in
the morning......as soon as she sees him.......she
can fly to him and tell him how much she loved
him

Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain

2009-03-31T03:47:00.000-07:00

Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain

A weird love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world. It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half century.

Over 50 years ago, Liu, was a 19 years-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu. At the time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.

To avoid the market gossips, the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing area.

love ladder01 Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain picture

In the beginning, they had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to lighten up their lives.

Starting the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began, and continue for over 50 years, to hand carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

252 Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain picture

A half century later in 2001, a group of adventures were exploring the forest, they surprisingly found the elderly couple and the over 6,000 stairs of hand carved ladder.

“My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day.” Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, “He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother’s convenience, although she doesn’t go down the mountain that much.”

love ladder02 Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain picture

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years-old, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms.

So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife’s hand even after he had passed away.

“You promised me you’ll take care of me, you’ll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?” … …

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband’s black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story had became one of the top 10 love stories from China, collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the “love ladder” and the place they lived as a museum, so this love story can live forever.

This is sweet, is't it?

Source

A Rider's Love

2009-03-30T05:29:00.000-07:00

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

Girl : *hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put
it on
yourself? It's bugging me.

Girl: Alright, now slow down

Guy: I love you babe

Girl: I love you too, please just slow down
now!
Please...

(in the paper the next day):
A motorcycle had crashed into a building
because
of brake failure. Two people were on it,
but
only 1
had survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't
want to let the girl know. Instead, he made her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time,
then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Love Story by Taylor Swift

2009-03-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me; they're tryin' to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet. you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Oh, oh.

Taylor Swift is Lovin' This "Story"

LOVE STORY

10 First-Date Mistakes

Dating Tips: Visual Deal-Breakers for Daters

What Makes Men Fall in Love

Dating 101: How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

The Secret Girlfriend Weapon

Dating 101: Everything You Know About Affairs Is Wrong

Dating 101: Will Your Guy Cheat on You?

Love messages of the day

Overcoming Jealousy

Dating Reality: Surprising Reason Men Don't Call Women Back

Dating 101: Guys Who Don't Get the 2nd Date

Dating 101: Four Signs He's Over You

Dating Rules: Secrets to Keep and Secrets to Spill

How to Know if Someone Likes You Romantically

How to Be Kissable

General dating rules for Women

Dating Rules for Women

The Do's and Dont's of dating for the modern female

General dating rule for Men

General Dating Rules For Men

The Ins and Outs of the Dating Game for Guys

Problems in Love Relationships

“Personal unhappiness is the greatest contributor to relationship problems.”

"You don't love me like I love you"

"We don't have anything in common anymore."

"We can't talk about that."

"It would be easier to start over with someone else."

"If you loved me you would....."

How To Ask a Girl Out

Smiles Predict Marriage Success

10 Ways to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

1. Be yourself.

2. Extend this point to external appearances too.

3. Accentuate your advantages.

4. Take the initiative.

5. Leave small gates and windows open.

6. Find out what he likes.

7. Position yourself cleverly.

8. Have fun by yourself too.

9. Let him know you are available.

10. Discuss the right topics.

10 Steps How to get the Guy You Want

The Phone Call

Bliss

Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You

The Butterfly Love

Man Carves Wife a 6,000 Stair Path in Mountain

A Rider's Love

Love Story by Taylor Swift

“Personal unhappiness
is the greatest contributor
to relationship problems.”

"You don't love me
like I love you"