According to a study, there’s a love habit that’s crucial to the health of your union: focusing on each other’s good qualities. Of course, that’s easier said than done. It’s normal to see more of your guy’s flaws over time — the key is not letting them infringe on your affection. “If you can organize your thoughts around his strengths, you’ll concentrate on him as a whole instead of on his imperfections,” says study author John Holmes, PhD, professor of social psychology at the University of Waterloo. He found that couples who do this stay together longer.
We’re not suggesting you try to love his annoying behavior. But you can learn to flip your thinking so you look to the positive. Here, three ways to master the girlfriend mind trick.
Prove Yourself Wrong
When you’re bugged by something small your guy has done, it may not be that action that’s getting under your skin — something may be eating away at you on a deeper level. By figuring out what that is, you can shift your thinking so you’re less agitated.
First, question why you’re upset. For example, say he takes hours to reply to your texts, and you assume he doesn’t care about you. “Find evidence that proves you wrong,” suggests Los Angeles therapist Shannon Fox, PhD. Maybe he asked about an important meeting you had or wrote you the sweetest card. “Pointing out the contrary helps keep the annoyance in proportion,” notes Fox.
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